Skip to main content

Seduction

Have a long term partner I love now but at some point I was reading a bit about seduction and was interested in it. One of the books that really changed how I thought about meeting women and anyone else really is Models. The basic gist is that honesty is everything. Be honest with your intentions and where you want things to progress. Focus on yourself above all. Everything is a journey. Never focus on results but the process of it. That means not fearing having your ego hurt by losses. There is nothing that can impact how you feel but yourself.

It also taught me about importance of independence in all aspects. Your feelings and self worth should never be defined by anyone but you. It is hard/impossible to be your true self if you are trying to impress anyone for fear of losing them. If the relationship or first encounter doesn't work out, don't dwell on it and move on.

Being honest with your intentions together with awareness that the worst cases that can happen will often have no affect on your life at the end of the day brings confidence. Confidence in knowing that everything is a learning opportunity and that life is a matter of maximizing future positive outcomes.

That is the mental side of this at least. If you have this covered and look and feel great (look after yourself by eating well (whole foods, no sugar), exercising, look after your skin). There are more practical things you can do to get better. The most important thing is making new approaches (respectful and understanding of the setting) and learning from each experience. And that doesn't mean flirting with everyone. It's simply getting to know everyone and showing your interest if there is one.

Nowadays most everyone meets online. This makes cold approaches such as approaching a man/woman on the street to say you find them interesting/cute more effective as most/everyone will be surprised and most often pleasantly so unless they are very busy or in some bad mood and thus will be annoyed. And in such worst case, they will let you know this quickly so cut the communication and apologize if need be.

Of course the best time to approach and meet anyone is in some appropriate setting like an event or some party. Again this doesn't mean meeting just for the purpose of flirting. I talk to everyone because I am genuinely fascinated by most every human I meet and read about. So I always love meeting and talking in person. For cases of flirting, the main things to focus on are (in my opinion):

  1. Be confident and interesting above all.
  2. Be calm and not rushy in the way you talk and move.
  3. Don't be afraid to hold eye contact for longer times.
  4. Focus on making the girl feel a positive emotional connection. Usually through being funny and lighthearted in how you talk.
  5. Be more clear with your intentions, indirectly works best (show you are interested/into the person without saying it).

This applies to both in person and messaging (above but minus the eye contact part and plus for use of fancy animated stickers on Telegram to express yourself more).

As for date ideas and how to get dates online. Dating apps like Tinder/Bumble can bring mixed results and the focus there is to have a list of great photos above all with some short interesting bio. Busy cities work best for online dating apps.

For chatting, above mentioned advice applies but the goal with online dating is to meet in person as soon as possible if there is a connection and you like the person. You will know more from a brief or if lucky longer period of time you are on a date getting coffee or taking a walk then messaging online for days. As you both swiped on each other, the other person is already interested unless they just seek validation and want some compliments sent their way (supposedly lots do really just want this). Some may find it too forward to meet soon for fear of safety but the advice of proposing to meet IRL sooner applies only if you do it when both will feel right when you propose this. I often wrote You are fun. Would love to meet you for coffee some time and talk. What do you think? 😊 or some variation of it. Also moving the conversation to a more real chat app like Telegram is also best done as soon as possible if there is some mutual interest often as a result of a good date/meet.

Having said all of above, I think the most effective approach is having a great aesthetic Instagram and doing cold approaches. There is too much flakiness involved with online dating. This discussion covers the current state of dating quite well together with what works and what doesn't. Again, not sure how useful above info is as I have been outside of dating for quite a while now, this is mostly advice I kind of internalized from what I've read and learned via my one 7 year+ long term relationship and the few dates I've done before that.

Relationships of any kind especially ones that are romantic are truly fascinating to learn to get better at. I shared things I've learned about having more happy relationships in my wiki here. In summary it's:

  1. Be honest. Be kind. Be empathetic.
  2. Don't avoid/ignore conflicts. Communicate everything.
  3. Be open to change but respect your own and your partner's personal boundaries.
  4. Don't be narcissistic. Us, not just you.
  5. Show love.
  6. Smell nice. Look after yourself.
  7. Be interested and fascinated by your partner genuinely. Be happier together.

Notes