Have a long term partner I love now but at some point I was reading a bit about seduction and was interested in it. One of the books that really changed how I thought about meeting women and anyone else really is Models. The basic gist is that honesty is everything. Be honest with your intentions and where you want things to progress. Focus on yourself above all. Everything is a journey. Never focus on results but the process of it. That means not fearing having your ego hurt by losses. There is nothing that can impact how you feel but yourself.
It also taught me about importance of independence in all aspects. Your feelings and self worth should never be defined by anyone but you. It is hard/impossible to be your true self if you are trying to impress anyone for fear of losing them. If the relationship or first encounter doesn't work out, don't dwell on it and move on.
Being honest with your intentions together with awareness that the worst cases that can happen will often have no affect on your life at the end of the day brings confidence. Confidence in knowing that everything is a learning opportunity and that life is a matter of maximizing future positive outcomes.
People like you for how you make them feel. Compliments are great, just don't over do it and always be genuine. One thing I love doing when I meet new people is asking what they are excited about. And listening well. Proust Questionnaire has some great questions for purposes of getting to know another person well. I memorized the questions with Anki just to have it on top of my mind for getting the conversation going. Important to not make conversations be like interviews, just show you enjoy the company of another person and are genuinely excited of getting to know them. Play off what they say and be playful/funny. I like the idea of warm approaches as a way to make sure interaction is most likely to go well for both.
If things are progressing nicely in conversation and you do have genuine romantic interest for the person, you can show your interest subtly. Through actions. Not words. If you see the interest is not mutual, cut your losses early and stop romantic pursuits for the person. Don't get fixated on any single person despite how you feel about them in the moment. Emotions are powerful thing and only time and mindfulness solves it. So give it time and still connect with any person you find interesting.
That is the mental side of this at least. If you have this covered and look and feel great (look after yourself by eating well (whole foods, no sugar), exercising, look after your skin). There are more practical things you can do to get better. The most important thing is making new approaches (respectful and understanding of the setting) and learning from each experience. And that doesn't mean flirting with everyone. It's simply getting to know everyone and showing your interest if there is one.
Nowadays most everyone meets online. This makes cold approaches such as approaching a man/woman on the street to say you find them interesting/cute more effective as most/everyone will be surprised and most often pleasantly so unless they are very busy or in some bad mood and thus will be annoyed. And in such worst case, they will let you know this quickly so cut the communication and apologize if need be.
Of course the best time to approach and meet anyone is in some appropriate setting like an event or some party. Again this doesn't mean meeting just for the purpose of flirting. I talk to everyone because I am genuinely fascinated by most every human I meet and read about. So I always love meeting and talking in person. For cases of flirting, the main things to focus on are (in my opinion):
- Be confident and interesting above all.
- Be calm and not rushy in the way you talk and move.
- Don't be afraid to hold eye contact for longer times.
- Focus on making the girl feel a positive emotional connection. Usually through being funny and lighthearted in how you talk.
- Be more clear with your intentions, indirectly works best (show you are interested/into the person without saying it).
This applies to both in person and messaging (above but minus the eye contact part and plus for use of fancy animated stickers on Telegram to express yourself more).
As for date ideas and how to get dates online. Dating apps like Tinder/Bumble can bring mixed results and the focus there is to have a list of great photos above all with some short interesting bio. Busy cities work best for online dating apps.
For chatting, above mentioned advice applies but the goal with online dating is to meet in person as soon as possible if there is a connection and you like the person. You will know more from a brief or if lucky longer period of time you are on a date getting coffee or taking a walk then messaging online for days. As you both swiped on each other, the other person is already interested unless they just seek validation and want some compliments sent their way (supposedly lots do really just want this). Some may find it too forward to meet soon for fear of safety but the advice of proposing to meet IRL sooner applies only if you do it when both will feel right when you propose this. I often wrote
You are fun. Would love to meet you for coffee some time and talk. What do you think? 😊 or some variation of it. Also moving the conversation to a more real chat app like Telegram is also best done as soon as possible if there is some mutual interest often as a result of a good date/meet.
Having said all of above, I think the most effective approach is having a great aesthetic Instagram and doing cold approaches. There is too much flakiness involved with online dating. This discussion covers the current state of dating quite well together with what works and what doesn't. Again, not sure how useful above info is as I have been outside of dating for quite a while now, this is mostly advice I kind of internalized from what I've read and learned via my one 7 year+ long term relationship and the few dates I've done before that.
Relationships of any kind especially ones that are romantic are truly fascinating to learn to get better at. I shared things I've learned about having more happy relationships in my wiki here. In summary it's:
- Be honest. Be kind. Be empathetic.
- Don't avoid/ignore conflicts. Communicate everything.
- Be open to change but respect your own and your partner's personal boundaries.
- Don't be narcissistic. Us, not just you.
- Show love.
- Smell nice. Look after yourself.
- Be interested and fascinated by your partner genuinely. Be happier together.
- Play to win, not to lose. That is focus on the wins, disregard/learn from the losses. Commit to it. Let go and do it for yourself above all. Don't focus on results, focus on having fun. Set your goals and enjoy the process. Fully let go.
- It is better to exchange Instagram accounts with girls you've approached than trying to share phone numbers.
- The best dates you can go to are ones where you can easily share a conversation together.
- “Nice” is subjective. Typically, the guys who consider themselves the “nice guy” are the ones who do what they think is nice with an added contingency, as if buying a meal or being a normal human being means they deserve affection and adoration from a girl. Nice guys don’t finish last, disingenuous guys do. The douche bags get girls because they do what they want, not what they think the girl wants. Moral of the story: be genuine and be your own human being, not what you think people want or expect you to be.
- Enjoy yourself while talking, don’t make it your goal to please her, but to enjoy yourself.
- Some women will spend hours getting ready before they go out. If you compliment their style and how they've put themselves together it validates all of that work and goes a lot further than just saying some variation of "you're beautiful".
- Consuming information but NOT approaching women?
- It’s hard because you have to get comfortable with being vulnerable. You have to be open to the chance of getting hurt. Be okay with putting your all out there and getting nothing in return. You have to love who you really are enough to know that regardless of whether the person you’re trying to open up to accepts you or not, you’re still the same complete you either way.
- Strong eye-contact, slow movements and masculine body language.
- What this guy means by masculine body language is essentially leading and taking control physically. Touch her arms, hold her hands and lightly rub them with your thumbs, twiddle around with her fingers. This works incredibly well if you’re sitting across a table from her. If you’re beside her like at a bar, keep her in your frame. Turn your legs toward her so that if she were to move forward she’d be between them. Again touching her arms, don’t be aggressive! Move closer to her, whisper in her ear. Hold her close, have your arm around her. Those have worked really well in my experience. That’s just a few of many possible ways to show her “hey, I like you more than someone who just wants to be your friend.”
- Once your body starts to act masculine, your mind will soon soon follow.
- Masculine body language - Take up space, don't slouch, don't sit like a chick with your knees together. Don't twitch, be non-reactive. Imagine a lion: he doesn't give a shit about what's going on around him. He's always relaxed with his head up.
- The difference between creepy or not, is how attractive you are (which is determined by everything else you're doing).
- Just be unflinching during conversation. General rule of thumb for any interaction is to look at their eyes long enough to realise their eye colour (bit longer if your flirting), look away, then back again rinse and repeat. Another tactic for flirting, is using the triangle: left eye, right eye, lips, repeat. Looking at their lips implies you want to kiss them. Use that when you have more rapport.
- One exercise you can use: If you spot a girl you like, look at her. If she looks your way, make brief eye contact, look away for a moment, then back again. If she's still looking at you, its a good chance she wants you to talk to her. Girls are pretty persistent in getting attention from guys they like.
- If she's not looking, its a good chance she's not interested. Don't stare at her. Move on.
- Eye-contact is fundamental. When you look a woman in the eye, don't hide the fact that you want her. Maintain eye-contact. This is a very clear signal you are interested in a woman sexually.
- Just for clarity. When you make eye contact you need to choose an eye. You can't oscillate back and forth between them. And when he says "maintain eye contact" it doesn't mean blankly stare into her eyes uninterrupted. It means when you do look at her, look into her eyes. Not just at her face. And hold that eye contact slightly longer than you would regularly with other people.
- I think advanced game is loving yourself no matter what happens to you. Rejections, shit tests, break-ups, critics, emotions. These are all opportunities to learn, to improve, to love yourself more, to be authentic, to go forward. It's not about protecting yourself so you don't feel anything anymore, it's about being at peace with what goes inside of you and outside of you. It's about breaking down your limiting beliefs and your expectations, going with the flow and being in the moment.
- Stop chasing girls and focus entirely on self development
- In person approaching > online dating.
- Women will respect your courage. It’s never creepy if you stay respectful. You can’t get in trouble for talking to strangers. She can’t do nothing about if your not harassing her. Some guys think talking to women they don’t know is like against the law.
- The only way to know if she finds you attractive is to approach her.
- I really like "I really want to kiss you right now." If they are into it too, they can explicitly give permission ("well then you should!" or something along those lines, or they could just initiate the kiss), and if they're not feeling the same they can just laugh or something to change the subject. It changes the dynamic from "tell me yes or no" to "tell me yes or I'll assume no" and I think there's a real benefit to that.
- Every woman is different so I am sure you will get other answers too but for me personally I don’t like compliments about my looks too early on - “you look great, I love your dress/shoes/etc” is ok but the “you are so beautiful” compliments too early on always make me a bit uneasy. Compliments about my personality always go down better. I would also encourage you not to worry about “flirting” too much - I would much rather talk to a guy who was genuinely interested in getting to know me and my interests than a charming guy who is good at flirting, you know? There’s nothing wrong with talking to a woman the way you would talk to a friend - especially at the beginning - you are just getting to know each other and finding out if you connect on a deeper level. Keep calm and try to remember not too much too quickly and it will all fall into place. Good luck, I hope you meet some great people.
- Compliment people on things they choose. So clothes/hair/accessories are fine for a quick compliment on appearance. Then talk about other stuff that they also choose: interests, hobbies, opinions.
- Show genuine interest.
- You don't need permission to think or feel sexually about someone. It's how you treat them that matters. As far as flirting with people, you will make mistakes and you will make people uncomfortable from time to time, we all do. Just like with other kinds of interaction. If it happens, just apologize and carry on.
- How would you talk to a potential friend? Speak to this person the same way. Conversation flows or it doesn’t. Presenting with a list of questions quickly turns a date into an interview. Be yourself, allow silences if they occur and let your activities or what she says guide the conversation. Also don’t forget you’re also picking someone here which lowers the pressure of “I hope they like me.”
- I absolutely stopped giving a good goddamn what people thought of me. Apathy apparently comes across as confidence. Being genuinely not interested in impressing anyone led to them trying to impress me.
- Seduction is nothing more to me than communicating your intentions clearly and in a polite way (not in a boring way, but in a way you don't offend someone).
- Make a habit of talking to all strangers, not just attractive women. Seduction is a subset of being generally charismatic with people.
- Treating people like human beings and being overall charming helps draw people to you.
- Women generally already put a lot of effort into meeting a guy. Hell, a lot of times they put this effort in every single day because it’s what society expects! They’re usually shaving their legs and pits, putting on makeup, doing their hair, how can you, as a guy, not think it’s worth taking the effort, too? That may mean a manicure, but that also might just mean a nice set of clothes for pics and dating, trimming that beard neatly, and working on conversation. But putting in nowhere near the effort most women put in seems to be one of the biggest areas many men lack.
- Start with the basics: gym, style, haircut, grooming, smell good/be clean. The big mistake I see guys make is not taking charge of the interaction after a compliment. They sit there and go “you’re beautiful “, yeah, ok, now what asshole? Tell her what you want. Just also show you could take or leave it, because being direct+not needy=bold and being direct+needy=creepy
- Girls like to get to know a person first, so like. Before relationship stage is like a "good kinda flirtatious friend stage". I personally learnt that the "good kinda flirtatious friend stage" is the line I need to hit. Naturals and charismatic guys know this line instinctively. And the line varies from type of girl to girl. (Ex, sterotypical bookworms and super popular girls have different lines). Anyways. Don't over flirt, don't never flirt, don't try not being a friend too, and be good.
- Conflict drives tension, tension drives interest/desire, and desire leads to seduction. Showing some disagreement is a great way to start flirting. Just be respectful of her position, ask her to help you understand her point of view, and move on to the next topic. Then bring it back in the form of a tease or joke.
- Women want to give up control to a self confident man in certain areas of the relationship. Other areas not so much. The key is to figure those details out and how it fits within your relationship.
- I always see being "nice" as being manipulative. These people are trying to manipulate you into liking them, rather than just being themselves and finding people they naturally get along with. Because of this, as you pointed out, they really aren't trustworthy.
- I prefer to assume every girl is single. Working from this frame automatically gives me permission to engage and escalate. Many times, using this frame has opened doors even with women that did have partners.
- Age is just a number, confidence is key and attitude is everything.
- You attract women by living an attractive life.
- Mutual interest mutual investment. Above all, don't chase because it will always end in a crash or in your face in the pavement. Focus on you, build yourself up and get your numbers up.
- Rejection doesn't hurt. It's time/money/energy saver.
- If a person really wants to see you, they will make the time. Some people are actually busy, but yes, if they want to see you they will offer an alternative time(s) they are available.
- You have to flirt I'm other ways (verbally or with expressions) before touching someone. Or it can get awkward.
- Flirty energy comes out of a deep comfort. It is like this acceptance of who you are and a confidence that the other person will like and receive you. Being flirty is playful. It is fun and without expectation. Flirting doesn’t have a goal. Somehow fake it till you make it, believe in your value and believe that the men you are with will value and be attracted to you. Lose expectations. React playfully in the moment. Don’t be concerned with outcome or keeping up appearances. More than anything don’t be afraid of rejection.
- Date from an abundance mindset. Weed girls on how good you two match. Now that you know how to obtain iron, you have the potential of gathering you diamond.
- Change your mentality from “sex sex sex” to “I wanna vibe with someone."
- Work on your verbal game. seduce her with your words. work on your sensual game; backrubs and foot massages are your friend. work on your sex talk; get her in the mood. make sure youre building intimacy. and make sure youre asking for consent before you touch her so she feels respected, and knows you have communication skills and confidence.
- I think the hottest thing in a guy is intention. Intention with his life, with his work, with his relationships, with his dreams, with his physical body. Intention creates assertive, confident men that make you feel safe. Intention however, is insanely rare.
- Women are attracted to competence. How a woman determines competence can be very unique and strange. Some women get hot and bothered when their guy parallel parks. Hands and forearms are super common. Skill and precision with the fingers specifically (i.e. playing guitar, making pottery) makes you think those talents translate elsewhere. My wife gets sexually aroused anytime I fix something.
- Just start with random observations, breaks the ice easily. Most of the effort is starting the conversation with a stranger. It clicks and when you hop on a separate bus, you can "un"-click but both have had some needed social interaction. Additionally, it gets easier next time. When people aren't responsive, a conversation starter will bleed out naturally anyway. When in doubt, just have or find some fun and smile a bit. The barriers will lower when you exude friendly-person vibes and seem a bit open.
- Generally women are quite direct they'll come up and flirt with you as well if they're interested. They'll also be more inclined to clarity in my opinion; do you want a specific type of relationship like fwb or you want to date more serious that's mostly information you should share at an appropriate time (once you get a sense of the connection of course). Also most women I know would not care for dating "rules" such as waiting three days to call or waiting to reply. No need for games, just say where you're at and the mature ones will do the same! Some basic chivalry is always welcome. A lot of people meet while out in bars/clubs/social clubs etc. and about although a lot of people also use dating apps. A few diverse pics and a short bio that doesn't seem too over constructed is always good. Happen, breeze, tinder, bumble. As a first date drinks is pretty normal but you can always think of something special. Dinner dates aren't usually first date stuff here.
- Kino Escalation: How To Attract Women With Physical Touch
- Why She Didn’t Text Back (2018) - Principles of seduction & importance of principles.
- You are enough - Women are a by-product
- Your Friends Are Holding You Back (2019)
- The origins of seduction (with James Marshall, Sasha Daygame, John Keegan) (2019)
- Fuck Yes or No (2013)
- How To Touch Her the right way
- DiCarlo Escalation Ladder: Concise and Emphasized
- The Red Quest - Living in and understanding modern society.
- What skills or skill sets or activities are attractive for a mid 30s guy?
- Men in your mid-30s or older, where are you meeting single women? (2021)
- First Date Ideas? (2021)
- Tips for flirting with other grown ups? (2021)
- Men, how the hell do I know when to make a move while on a date with a woman? (2021)
- Are coffee dates a horrible idea? I'm noticing a trend where they never go anywhere. (2021)
- Women who have Tinder/bar hookups, how do you make sure you are doing it safely? (2021)
- Take your chance. Don't wait.
- Oscar Isaac's arm kiss
- Rating Men's Seduction Systems (2021)
- Social circle game
- Tricks to better talk with women
- Karisma King - YouTube
- Reacting to terrible women's dating advice
- Steps to take to make yourself more attractive to others (2022)
- Learning and succeeding in seducing girls in social settings flow chart (2022)
- Discussing dating in America (2022)
- Austen Summers - YouTube
- Talking is easy, showing romantic interest is hard
- How do you flirt on first date without coming off as trying too hard?
- What are the common traits guys who get laid regularly show? (2022)
- What are some good plausible deniability ideas (excuses) to bring a girl home? (2022)
- На что первым делом обращаете внимание при знакомстве?
- What makes you want to sleep with a man?
- Turning Cold Approaches into Warm Approaches